The One Where I (Might) Offend 2 of My 3 Readers

Please realize that the following is just me being really annoyed at really annoying people, and is not to offend the parents of young children AT ALL.

I am getting married in 25 days.  I am pretty much the last of all of my friends and family to get married, thus I am not afforded the luxuries that the others had.  For instance, innocent mistakes that let other people have tons of fun (charge by the drink throughout the night!  That’s a great idea, our friends won’t drink that much!) have made way for much tighter rules (open bar.  2 and a half hours. The end.) and such.  Additionally, other family members got to say “NO CHILDREN” which was fine.  Because there were none.

I tried to say that.  Maybe my English was off that day, however, because I was met with a silence equal to “Let’s have the groomsmen where Hitler mustaches”.  SILENCE.  And then YELLING.

“Jacob CAN’T be left with a sitter.  He has attachment syndrome.”  “Elizabeth can only handle 15 minutes away from her mother at a time, they won’t come if they can’t bring her”.  And on and on. And on.

Here is the thing.  I love kids.  I want a million.  But I don’t love kids at big events.  Why?  Because in my family, people think that it is permission to let them run around.  It is really embarrasing and uncomfortable.  The kids are wild and unbehaved and rude.  I hate it.  And Gd forbid you say something like, “Aytan, if you break that, you will be in trouble”, because then Chaya, his mother, will lay into you for parenting her child, who is “sensitive and just being artistic”.  It doesn’t matter if he is being artistic with your things.  It is all about her new age parenting.

My brother-in-law has the golden child (sorry, but it is true) and is furious that we had the GALL to have our reception had 7, at Golden Child’s bedtime.  He is furious.  His solution?  Is to have me HIRE A BABYSITTER TO BE ON CALL.  Should they need a babysitter, they will have one. ON CALL.  Did I mention I am getting married on LABOR DAY?

I actually went out of my way to make things easy for people, and contacted every parent with the option of a babysitter to be at the hotel (where we are having the wedding and the guests are staying).  The babysitters are all employed at the Synagogue where my mom is the President.  Most responses were, “No thanks, the kids would hate to miss the celebration!”  Which is fine, I understand.  I loved dancing at weddings when I was little.  I also, though, can imagine that when I am a parent, I would LOVE the option to go to a wedding with a free, pre-screened babysitter watching my kids.  On-site.  But that is neither here nor there.

The item that really inspired this post is a cousin of mine.  She is my age, and has a 2 year old and a 4 year old.  She didn’t have the common courtesy to even RSVP.  But today, I got a SCREAMING phone call from her.  The type where you don’t get a “Hello”.  Her issue?  She heard that the child’s menu was chicken fingers.  Didn’t I know that her kids are gluten-free?  Actually, no.  See, you didn’t RSVP, I pointed out.  (She, by the way, was one of the lucky child-free weddings).  She actually hung up on me.  If I hadn’t had the experience of the other crazies throughout the past 11 months, it would of affected me.  But this time, her BS rolled off of my back.

This wedding is going to be 225 people.  Of that, 37 people are going to be 10 and under.  I am just praying to Gd that our band doesn’t take any Miley Cyrus or Jonas Brothers requests.  🙂

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8 responses to “The One Where I (Might) Offend 2 of My 3 Readers

  1. Hi! Not sure how i found your blog but this post made me giggle. I went through the SAME thing. I am recently married (3 months tomorrow) and had to explain myself a billion and one times about the no kid factor. Also i had people coming at me from god knows where wondering why i didnt invite them, or their kids, or their third cousins! Really, people? This is OUR wedding.

    You never know how rude people are until you are planning a wedding. Its really something else.

    You only have 25 days left. TRY to enjoy it. I promise, you will forget all of this drama when the big day comes! I did!

    • I just read a bunch of your posts on swine flu, and I am dying of laughter. Seriously. Hilarious. Mostly because I am convinced I have the swine flu (or the hunta virus, or the bubonic plague) most of the time. Luckily, one of my bridesmaids went to school for Public Health. So I will be able to let you know the severity of ANY and ALL pandemics that spread at our wedding. 😉

  2. Wow. I’m really interested in hearing how all this turns out for you. Please say you’re going to post an update! Just my two cents…this is YOUR day and you have every right to set limits/boundries. You don’t have to apologize for that.

  3. This weekend I was with the future in-laws (she is a whole bag of craziness I won’t get into today) who is really into SAYING “it’s your day” but not really meaning it, in that she is realllly passive aggressive so she can’t say no to anyone. Anyways, we (fiance and I) went to one of the most amazing weddings on Saturday. It was only 45 people (not even my immediate family is that small…I wish!) and there were no children. I was saying that I would of loved to have had such a small wedding, and she had the nerves to say, “You could of!” So I said, really? We could of not invited ANY of your friends and we could of left The Golden Child* (not his real name) at home? She got kind of flustered and said, but don’t you want all of our friends and TGC at the wedding? I said, no, I just said wouldn’t it be fun to have such a small, intimate wedding? Even in her hypotheticals, on “it’s Rachel’s Day day”, she couldn’t do it! 😉 I am not surprised, but still.

    Jen: Mazel tov, as my people say! I hope it was amazing! You know what I think my problem was? I have been in 3 weddings, and one of the brides was the worst bridezilla ever, (she planned her bridal shower, sent out the invitations to MY house, and sent me a bill…I am not joking) so I have been really careful not to be rude. It’s okay…I have got D, everyone else just has issues! LOL.

    Jane: I will post an update! Boundries are my favorite thing. I just happen to have a family that things they are suggestions, rather than rules. 🙂 But I truly think the wedding is just one day, and the marriage is forever…so luckily we keep laughing at all of this. Except the gluten thing. I will never find that funny. LOL.

  4. I had 400 people at my wedding, and just a few little kids. One of them was about 8 yrs old and a pain in my ass. most of my huppa pictures, have her lurking in the background.

    I wouldnt dream of bringing my girls to a wedding, not until they are old enough to appreciate it and old enough to be bribed for good behavior.

    you better post some wedding pictures missy.

  5. LMAO at the lurker…there is one girl (also about 8) I am dreading…she was nice enough to open all of the presents at my bridal shower for me. I could care less about that, really, so much as you KNOW 8 years old don’t care about the card, so it was realllly fun matching 50 presents and cards. But you could bring the girls to my wedding, by the way, cuz they are ADORABLE and I know you and your hubby wouldn’t use the other 223 people in attendance as babysitters! 🙂

  6. If you were in New York we would come! sans children of course 😉

  7. As a mother, I cannot imagine demanding a bride make accomodations for my children at her wedding! Geez! And I cannot believe how mean people were to you over the whole thing. I’m curious to know how the kid issues played out.

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