The One Where I Realize That My Mom is Wrong, It IS All Her Fault

I always wanted to be a trophy wife.

I don’t mean trophy as in the 3rd or 4th, 30 years younger, hydrogen peroxide blonde. (Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things.) I mean trophy as in stay at home, keep a perfect house, keep a perfect body, always have the energy for fabulous sex, and an incredible entertainer as well.

You know, kind of a J-Lo/Martha Stewart mix.

Oh, and I would be the most supportive, interesting wife who would know exactly how to listen to his day, what to do in a pinch, and when to give advice.

I have NO idea where I came up with this image. Donna Reed? Maybe not, they didn’t even sleep in the same bed, so no fabulous sex there…

Anyway, here is my issue. I realized recently that I didn’t grow up in an environment that fostered anything of this sort. Not that I needed my mom to be J-Lo/Martha Stewart.

But lately, when I have been talking to my mom about big life decisions, she has said things such as, “Why must you talk to D about it? Do you really need his permission?” Um, to get pregnant? Probably. To staff a youth trip to Israel for a month? Would be beneficial to our relationship.

It is like she thinks I should live a totally separate life from my husband.

I have started to remember, in bits and pieces, my parents relationship. (Post-traumatic stress syndrome and tons of anti-depressants have helped to block it out). They didn’t think that communicating was important, and so that put the three kids in the middle a lot. I REFUSE to have that kind of relationship.

Sure, right now, D is still a product of a family that does TOO much together. I haven’t adjusted to the fact that he thinks we should grocery shop together, because I can get in and out of Safe way in 20 minutes, while he is still researching the different melting points of baker’s chocolate.

But I am willing to negotiate. Because I am going to make this work. Even if my parents couldn’t. Even if the statistics that I read all of the time tell me that we don’t stand more than a 1 in 3 chance.


3 responses to “The One Where I Realize That My Mom is Wrong, It IS All Her Fault

  1. Hey mate!! How’s the fo-shizzlin’ hubby of yours? We need to do a husband swap, or a day. I have been trying to get Dave to come grocery shopping with me for YEARS.

    Trophies TO you … for refusing to have the kind of relationship your parents had. It’s hard to unparent yourself, sort through the mess. I love your self-knowledge.


  2. Oh lord. He was out of control! “R-dizzle, why you ig-nizzlin me?”

    And I will GLADLY let you go to the grocery store with my husband. Just don’t be alarmed at the amount of condiments that he buys. When asked his favorite food, his answer is invariably “sauce”. Of any kind. Soy, bar-b-que, special. It doesn’t matter. As long as it is expensive, comes in a large, heavy bottle, he will insist on buying it. Food optional.

  3. “But I am willing to negotiate. Because I am going to make this work.” And these two sentences are precisely why it WILL work for you and D. You realize the benefits of negotiation and you are determined to make your relationship work. I’m not seeing you as a statistic in the near future!

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