Three years ago this week, I was in a hospital room watching my grandma die. It was exhausting and tiring and draining. And that is the nicer things I can say.
Two days ago, I got a call that my mom was sick and going into the hospital. She has lupus, and most of her joints are artificial now. Apparently, one of her knees got a strep bacteria in it and had to be cleaned today. She will be on an IV from home for 8 weeks, and between my sister and I will have to take care of her. I live in another city from my mom, so yesterday I jumped on a plane.
I don’t know why, but this is KILLING me. I am so exhausted. Maybe it is the correlation of timing…maybe it is the stress of worrying about my mom. But in 24 hours I have become a zombie. Oh, and also, they are weening me off of my anti-depressants in hopes that I can try to get pregnant this summer. So all around, I am a wreck. I went to the gym today and worked out for an hour…I cried on the treadmill the entire time. Times like these make me so furious that my mom is sick. She doesn’t deserve to be in the pain she is in. She never complains, ever, but yesterday with tears in her eyes she told me she was scared.
Last week, I was sad thinking that I am turning 30. Today, I am feeling 60.