I just reread my last post. OMG, my grammar leaves a lot to be desired. I was beyond stressed. I still am, but two weeks in is a lot easier.
The long and short of it is that we are at the beginning of a long journey. People with systemic lupus don’t die of old age. Luckily, her internal organs (well, not her eyes/ears) but kidneys, liver, etc look okay. If the infections that enter her body due to a crappy immune system continuously go to her metal, we are lucky. In a week or so, they will decide if she gets to keep her knee. If not, they will take out the knee permanently, and she will be in a wheelchair. My siblings, our spouses, and I will then have to decide how to take care of that situation.
I am just unmotivated right now. I don’t want to leave the house. I am tired, and worn out, and just need a break. I haven’t showered since Thursday. It is Tuesday. That is disgusting. I don’t know what to do. I know I should call my shrink, but I keep putting it off. I don’t even know if I am depressed (ok, maybe that is stretching it…) so much as I just need to zone a bit. I am anxious to get into a schedule, but the first step is SO FREAKING HARD.