Home, Sweet Home

I just reread my last post.  OMG, my grammar leaves a lot to be desired.  I was beyond stressed.  I still am, but two weeks in is a lot easier.

The long and short of it is that we are at the beginning of a long journey.  People with systemic lupus don’t die of old age.  Luckily, her internal organs (well, not her eyes/ears) but kidneys, liver, etc look okay.  If the infections that enter her body due to a crappy immune system continuously go to her metal, we are lucky.  In a week or so, they will decide if she gets to keep her knee.  If not, they will take out the knee permanently, and she will be in a wheelchair.  My siblings, our spouses, and I will then have to decide how to take care of that situation.

I am just unmotivated right now.  I don’t want to leave the house.  I am tired, and worn out, and just need a break.  I haven’t showered since Thursday.  It is Tuesday.  That is disgusting.  I don’t know what to do.  I know I should call my shrink, but I keep putting it off.  I don’t even know if I am depressed (ok, maybe that is stretching it…) so much as I just need to zone a bit.  I am anxious to get into a schedule, but the first step is SO FREAKING HARD.


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