My name is Rachel…and…

I’ve been hiding.

The truth is, things are going so great here.

D. has a drug problem.

Ohmygddoesitfeelsogoodtowritethatdown.

He has had scoliosis for years, and coupled with enabling parents, poor medical insurance, and a major case of denial, he is now also a big opiad addict.

I know what you are thinking.  Why did you marry him?  I really don’t want to get into it all right now, mostly because I have been beating myself up for days.  Weeks.  Months.

The shit hit the fan on Passover, when we missed our first night’s Seder because he was getting more pills.

I brought up rehab, and he seemed okay with it.  Of course, he also didn’t think I was serious.

We went and visited yesterday, and I made a boundry that said he had to go by Friday am, and he had to detox here at the rehab.  I made his parents aware.  They agreed.  They cut his credit cards, weren’t going to give him a place to stay, etc etc.

His father is on the way here right now to take him.  To the other detox place, that I do not support.  No one cares what I say, and even though 1) I am the wife and 2) I am funding rehab, my boundaries are totally null and void in everyone’s eyes.

When they leave tomorrow, I am changing the locks and the garage door code.

If and when D shows up at rehab, I will be supportive.

Until then, I am in a really shitty place.  (And yes, my mom is still sick.  And I turned 30 last week.  I try so hard to be positive, but it’s like Gd is challenging me.  I am going to keep fighting.  I don’t want to let this beat me.)

I need a hug.

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3 responses to “My name is Rachel…and…

  1. SWEETHEART!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hugs, hugs, love, and my best wishes being sent out into the valley off my backyard, straight up to your house in America. Stat.

    My goodness, I hope you are ok. Changing the locks, cutting off support until he is in hab = TOP MOVE.

    Totally right thing to do, I swear. And if you manage to stay doing this, it will save you a SHITHEAP of (more) grief. Do you have Al-Anon over there? Or Nar-Anon?

    It’s like, you two are Nicole and Keith after they got married, and Keith had to go to hab. They got through …. no reason why you guys can’t get through too.

    LOVE YOU XOXOXOXOXOOXOX

  2. That is the nicest thing that you could say! Nicole=thin! Yeah…I am feeling really strong. For this moment. This is kind of like being on a really shitty amusement ride. BTW, did you know that addicts are the biggest, stupidest liars? It is insane.

    This is seriously hard…I told my mom (I couldn’t help it) and she, being the supportive bitch (excuse me) that she is (and you all know I absolutely love her, she just has issues) said, “I just thought you would have better judgement and also, do you really want to get divorced before you’ve even been married a year?” I feel so good about my life already, it’s like she knew just what to say, right?

    Thank you for the support…you crack me up. I wish Australia was way closer.

    xoxoxo

  3. oh my god… rachel, i didnt know! i am only reading this now!!

    i am so freaking sorry for all of this.
    My brother was addicted to prescription meds for years and has been clean now for 3 years.. it can happen… if he really wants it to.
    Otherwise? you need to do whats best for RACHEL.

    HUGGGS from israel.

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